Colorless
by Kel56
Summary: Trigger Warning: Suicide and suicidal thoughts For Aomine Daiki, life had become colorless. Hopeless. He tried so long to break free from this depression. But even now that things in his life were getting better, he couldn't shake those awful thoughts and feelings. Standing on the ledge of a city building, he struggled to find a reason to stay.


_Authors note: Hi. So there is a second part to this story with a character from the Haikyuu fandom called "Ending the Wait" Both stories are focused on suicide, so if that makes you uncomfortable or triggers you please DO NOT READ. Only read if you can do so safely and please take care of yourself. You are all amazing people._

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_Colorless._

Even here, looking over the ledge, the wind deafening the sounds of the world, life is colorless. Pointless. Meaningless. Lacking a purpose. Lacking a reason to stay.

He tried. He tried for so long to find some reason to keep fighting, to keep existing. Basketball was that reason for a long time. It gave him friends. It gave him a possible future. It gave him a purpose. It was fun and he was good at it.

Too good.

Or maybe everyone else just wasn't good enough. They were weak. They quit.

But he guessed the tables had turned now. He was the weak one. He was the one quitting. Only it wasn't a game of basketball he was giving up on. It was the game of life.

It was pathetic. He could admit that. But something in him changed years ago. Something broke. The night his dad walked out or the day he rejected Tetsu maybe or perhaps even before that. Something broke.

Basketball was fun again. Tetsu had forgiven him. And his dad didn't matter anymore. But whatever had broken remained broke. Maybe the pieces had shattered even more with the weight of the guilt he felt for the things he had done. The point was, the world never regained its color. No matter how much he tried to be who he was before or even a better version of himself, he couldn't. He couldn't let go of the pain. He couldn't love life. He couldn't see the color anymore. All that was left was a black and white world that wasn't worth living for anymore.

He'd lost hope. And now he was standing on top of a building staring down at the world below, staring at the people rushing to get out of bad weather and into the warmth of their homes and offices. That warmth was something he would never feel again.

He checked his phone, gripping it tight to keep the heavy winds from stealing it away. He stared at the list of messages, still unanswered. He'd sent one to each of the Generation of Miracles, Momoi, and one to his mother as well. A part of him had hoped to see a reply, a reason to not to take a step over the barrier; a reason not to spill his life on the concrete sidewalk below. A part of him still wanted to stay, but it needed a reason, and that reason was absent.

He could wait a little longer. He could go back inside, down to the buildings lobby, grab a coffee, and call someone. He could change his mind right now, but for what? Would it matter? Would the world regain it's color? It had yet to do so despite all the reasons it had before, so why would a single text or call change that? It wouldn't. It couldn't.

He just needed to go. He needed to forget whatever was still holding him to this world and jump. He was ready.

He looked around the roof for the first time since he had approached the edge. It was a last look at the place he was about to leave, but a figure at the other end caught his sight; a smaller, blonde male, looking over the barrier to the street down below. He must not have heard the male come out with how loud the roar of the wind was in his ears, but he could see him now.

Was he thinking the same thing? Should he stop him?

That was a weird thought to have. Stop someone from doing the very thing he was getting ready to do himself? That didn't make sense. He didn't even know the kid. Whatever reasons the kid had to be up here weren't his business or his problem. Besides, the kid hadn't even noticed him. He was probably just as lost in his own world as Aomine had been a moment ago.

Aomine shook his head, glancing at his phone again. Still no replies. He looked back at the kid. A scrawny thing trembling from head to toe as it climbed up on the barrier. The kid was scared. He still felt something for this world too.

If the kid could do it, so could he. If the kid had the guts to do it, he would follow. That's the decision Aomine made as he watched the kid edge closer to death. That's the decision that sealed his fate as the kid fell over the edge.

He watched. And he should have been horrified. He should have felt a lot of things, watching someone fall to their death, watching the body hit the ground, the blood leak out and the limbs twist in unnatural ways.

But he felt nothing, nothing except determination.

He shook his head. He placed his phone on the ground, not giving it another glance; not seeing the new text alert. His mind was made up and he wasn't going to give it a chance to change.

Squeezing a few tears from his eyes, he climbed up on the barrier. It was time to add a little red to this colorless world.

He shifted his weight and closed his eyes. The wind still drowning out the sounds of the world. Drowning out the screams of terror from below and drowning out the ring of his phone. All he could hear was his thoughts.

_The only one who can kill me is me._

He smiled feeling weightless as he stepped of the ledge.

_Time to add a bit of red._

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_Comments are appreciated, no matter how short._


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